What are some funny and smart quotes?

My sister Tracy sent me these a little while ago. I thought I’d share them. Thanks Trace.

“There is no rule against postal workers dating women. It just works out that way.”

“It’s a little known fact that pigs are the smartest animal. Scientists say that if pigs had thumbs and a language that they could be trained to do manual labor. They give you 20 to 30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner, you can eat them.”

Why do Brits drive a lot more dangerously compared to Americans? Is there just no courtesy when driving in the UK?

“A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you’re really thinking about a mother.”

“The human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Too much alcohol kills brain cells, especially the slower, weaker ones. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the slower brain cells after you’ve had a few beers which will speed up your brain.”

They did a study between postal workers and chimpanze...

When are the gas prices supposed to go up? Just asking because I was told by "educated" liberals that they were going to go throught the roof, but all I see are prices going down, especially in my home state of Ohio!!!

“Ah just like all women. If they’re not turning down your proposal of marriage, they”re accusing you of suspicious behavior in the lingerie changing room.”

“Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland.”

“It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in the Bronze Age.”

Decades After Its Joint-Venture Journey Began, Hulu’s Sole Ownership By Disney “Finally Resolved” With $439M Payment To NBCU, Bob Iger Exults - Deadline

Few people had funnier or smarter quotes than Cliff Clavin from the TV show, Cheers.